Being aware of your inner dialogue:

The importance of conscious inner dialogue :

The first and most important way of creating change in your life, is to begin to pay attention to what you tell yourself daily. For many years when I would look in the mirror I told myself how certain parts of my body needed help. My body was never good enough, stomach not flat enough, and the worst, I wasn’t pretty enough. As said before, the feelings and emotions we feel inward will create our external reality and also keep attracting more of the same vibrational thoughts and experiences. This is what I did my entire life up until age 29, when I became aware of how I was treating myself. Would you let anyone else talk to you the way you talk to yourself?

I lived in this constant state of negativity and the root cause of it was the repeating beliefs I kept telling myself. When you want to see something change you must begin to do something different. You cannot create change from the same space or energy as it was created. When you consciously choose to see yourself in a different light, and you constantly work at it, the world opens up. Your life force becomes stronger and your light shines brighter. It’s like returning home after a very long trip. Change the inner dialogue. Choose to see just how perfect you actually are. The difference between your thoughts are the differences in your manifestations. The difference in your outlook of your day being positive and full of lessons vs. looking at everyone and everything negatively, will change your entire life.

When you’re in alignment this is easy. To see all the light and beauty of the world but some days can be tougher than others. To help keep balance, I write myself a love note or inspirational note every single morning when I wake up. I keep a jar of them folded up on my kitchen counter. Any time that I am having an off day, I choose to read through one of them to remind myself just how powerful I am. It helps me shift my focus back to the abundance I am surrounded by. I even write quotes on post-it notes and place them all over my house. This is consciously changing the energy of your space. Before you know it, your mornings lighten up, then afternoons, and you notice day to day how much more love is in your life.

Duality

Duality:

As humans, we enter earth with free-will. We can subconsciously or consciously choose which direction we want our lives to unfold. Between our life experiences, our surroundings, and our relationships we create a belief system. Within this, we create our magnitudes of feelings. Meaning, based on what we believe as true, we create the level of depth within how we perceive our emotions.

Have you ever asked yourself what success and failure look like to you? What is failure? Failure is our self-made assessment of an expectation. Think about that. What one person's sense of failure is, is another person's success story. Therefore, it's so critical to recognize we are our own individuals. What happens when we take one person's success story and compare it to ours? Do we then let our ego's step in and tell us we should have expressed ourselves differently? My question to you is, who are we trying to be more like? Is it society's creation of what success and failure are? Some magical person telling us we must live our lives a certain way to be significant enough?

I drank that juice, for a while actually. I allowed society to tell me if I didn't have a certain amount of money within my business, I was failing. I allowed thoughts such as how many clients I needed, how many days I worked, and I even compared myself to others in my industry. If these didn't add up, I would push myself even harder. Push myself in any direction I could because moving and grasping at anything I could made me look better. Which made me look busier and busier meant more successful. My self-worth I measured by the work harder and hustle harder mantra. Looking at this now I realize, no wonder it never worked. No wonder I lived an unfulfilled life full of exhaustion. I was chasing after something that didn't exist nor align with me.

Here is what does exist. The language and dialogue you tell yourself from the minute you wake up to the minute you go to bed. What are you telling yourself every single day? Even situations that may seem like "failure" are such a gift and insight into who you are as a being. I am eternally grateful for my "mistakes" for they gave me what I needed to become who I am today. All compiled together they helped me return to the essence of myself. You can either choose to look at everything you do as a failure or look at everything as a success. Either way, the dialogue is still there. Whatever you focus on, you create more of. What are you going to create more of?

Mindset:

Mindset:

What happens when we begin to look at life differently?  Have you ever felt that there is nothing in your life that has gone the way you wanted it to go?  I remember thinking back to when I was younger and telling myself that I would never be able to accomplish what I wanted.  My dreams were great, but they weren’t meant for me.  Someone else with more beauty and talent will do those things and I’ll just watch.  How crazy that for almost 30 years the universe had been providing me with what I needed for success, and yet I treated it with such despise.  I have always received what I need in life, and yet I always told myself I never had enough money, talent, or friends.  I focused on the things that my ego told me were important.

I lived this sense of life through the eyes of my ego, or fear.  I only made decisions with the energy of lack and disappointment.  I never thought anything was good enough.  Since we live in a mirror universe, what do you think I kept receiving, or seeing in my life.  More disappointment.  It wasn’t until I realized these thoughts are not who I am.  The ego pulls from past experiences.  It creates expectation of what we think we could have done better.  But also, how things should happen in the future otherwise we won’t be happy.  It creates expectations, and if it doesn’t go this or that way, we suffer from dissatisfaction.  These thoughts are old conditioned thoughts on repeat, and if we continue to listen to them, we will keep repeating the life full of scarcity.  When I realized I am not these thoughts, I am the one aware of these thoughts, I changed. Then I began to see the change in my reality.

I began to see that we are living in an abundant universe.  And the only reason we see things without abundance is because of our egos.  We can continue in this life thinking the worst of every situation, or we can see what a blessing it is.  The universe is always providing us with what we need in order to move forward.  To live out our wildest dreams.  And if we keep focusing on the “what if’s,” we miss the life we are living.   We miss the journey.  And in the journey, is OUR LIFE.  Let’s stop focusing on the end goal, and realize the journey is the best part.  That’s where we feel, see, and find the fulfillment.

Self power:

Excerpt from Transforming your darkness…

Right when you think you have healed, dig even deeper.  When you think you have a hold on it and you understand it, reflect inwards more.  Life becomes so easy when you ignore it that you don’t even realize the barrier you have created.  The barrier between your body, your mind, and your spirit.  You become distant relatives instead of blood related.  You are ships passing in the night and before you know it the decisions you begin to make are not coming from your inner self.  Because by ignoring the darkness, you’ve created this alter ego as a coping mechanism that you now live from.  Hence, the ego and its bag of tricks.  Instead of pulling from a place of love and understanding to create compassion, you play victim or martyr.  You react to others by taking everything personally.  What isn’t healed, what is ignored, will manifest into something else.  The energy is within you, the stagnant energy will weigh you down.  You get so used to this heaviness, that the weight begins to feel natural.  How you begin to perceive this heaviness fuses with your everyday being. It will create a disconnect between your mind, body, and spirit.  

When you ignore the darkness, it will find its way back to you.  And this is the beauty of it.  Its return will help you see how to consciously choose to turn to love.   Not just self-love but love of life.  You understand why this darkness is here serving you in a way that elevates you.  You’re reborn into the phoenix, you begin to understand this power.  The power the lies within all of us.  It just gets lost in the shuffle if we allow it to.  The darkness is here to show us that it is light.  It’s just masked by our egos.  Our egos that are threatened by its existence because it knows the power of it.  IT knows that by looking at the darkness and not just sitting with it, you can own it.  When you look at what the darkness is, you take your power back.  It wears many masks.  Many masks of fear, uncertainty, unworthiness, shame, guilt, stupidity, mistakes, embarrassment.  Not realizing that it’s showing you your bravery, power, self-love, and intelligence.  It’s shining the spotlight on the true essence of who you are.  Of what you are made of.  The strength found in the darkness can move mountains.  It heals wounds, it elevates not only you but those around you.  When you create the change within yourself, you create the change in the world.  The darkness co-creates conscious life if you decide to look directly at it.  This darkness is another word for opportunity.  A chance to understand who you are.  You can remove the mask of fear and see your bravery and power.  Know that it’s here to help you rise to the top.  To rediscover you as a being of light. Not this outside shell that we get caught up identifying in. 

Transforming:

… Excerpt from Transforming your Darkness: Re-discovery of self love

…….See, I created my sense of self based off emptiness, survival, and misconception.  And I lived there for a long time with blinders on, not realizing I can transform this darkness and create light.   At first, I filled it up with things I thought would make me forget or make it go away.  Drugs, alcohol, physical influences that I was never ready for, nor mature enough to understand. Time and time again, I found myself in situations that I never wanted to be in.  Yet, I never found my voice to say no.  I never found the strength to step out and BE who I wanted to be.  I never paid attention to the internal power inside of myself. I was so far disconnected from my true being that I lost all sense of truth.  This is what I want to stress to all of you out there.  We come from the infinite source; we are pure love.  When we put mask upon mask on to cover ourselves, we lose our sense of self.  We become so far disconnected from our true selves that we float through our lives not remembering the power we have or even looking at who we are.  Love is who we are, and we should never expect anything less than, nor give anything less than.

 When you begin to understand and take ownership back of your self-worth, boundaries naturally flow.  The importance of what and who you allow into your energetic circle should be filled with the utmost love and respect.  Who you are surrounded by directly mirrors who you are.  And when you feel the balance of alignment this is you being connected to your deeper source, your inner being of who you are. Which is divine consciousness.  When you touch that, your entire life flows through you, you feel the greatness of life.  Which makes picking and choosing how and who you spend your time with more important. 

 

The love we feel:

The capacity we have for love towards others depends on the amount we see within ourselves first.  The law of polarity, the same vibration just different degrees of feelings.  For example, love and hate.  They are of the same just different ends of the spectrum. You cannot have one without having experienced the other.  The level of depth you feel with hate is also the same level of depth you feel with love.  Imagine if we shifted our feelings of hate to that of love how different our lives would look.  The self- love would start within ourselves and ripple effect into our families, communities, eventually the world.  This is how we create the change we want to see.

When we find full and complete acceptance of oneself, we don’t seek outside validation from anyone.  For most of my life I always sought validation from others to justify what I was doing in my life.  This was one of the most selfish acts I could have taken part in.  I was not living from a place of true self; I was feeding my ego and outside needs.  This not only strengthened the ego and made me believe I needed acceptance from people to suffice who I was as a person. But it was also slowly distancing myself from my SELF.  When you begin to feel the full acceptance of who you are you evolve and attract more of the same. Then and only then, you begin to see that it doesn’t matter what others say or do.  It won’t rattle the foundation you have created for yourself.  You will be so firm in who you are that you know your worth and gifts, that you will not waver.  

When we have full and complete acceptance of ourselves for everything we are, we are living from love.  It doesn’t matter what happened yesterday, or two years ago.  It doesn’t matter if you made a mistake in the past, let it all go.  Who you are right now is who you are supposed to be.   With your past mistakes, quirks, strengths, weaknesses, all combined make the complete and perfectly unique YOU. True acceptance must come from inside of yourself.  Feel love just as you are at this moment. 

Self- love and unconditional love are the reasons why we are here in this lifetime.  When you begin to grasp the depth of love, it changes your perception of life around you.  Choose to feed this love and understanding within yourself and then you can help others see this way of life.

Darkness and the light:

Darkness and light:

To see darkness is the biggest triumph you can experience.    As humans we naturally run away from pain.  We run from the darkness feeling defeated, ashamed, and terrified.  We look at it as a weakness that has now formed, and we create a story.  I did this for years.  The story I would tell myself has lived with me for decades.  I kept breathing life into it and yet I never once would look at it.  Instead I allowed it to shadow me, follow me, and sit with me.  It was always in the background and I could feel it, yet I would wear a mask over it.  We create so many masks to justify what we have been through that we cover layer upon layer over our true selves. So many layers that the person in front of us is so far removed from who we actually are, you can’t recognize them.

What’s important to understand about darkness is that light is always on the other side.  Even when you are in the depths of what feels like the empty abyss, light will always shine through.  And it’s your job to grab it and use it to climb back out.  Where there is darkness it shows us the light.  It shows us parts of us that need attention.  If not faced head on, it will tumble and build momentum and manifest in other areas of your life.  Everything is interconnected.  Regardless of the outcome of this darkness, it is always working out in your favor.  The ebb and flow of life keeps you evolving as a being.  If you feel knocked down realize that it is the universe giving you exactly what you need in divine timing.  What “knocks you down” creates your biggest strengths… if you allow it to. 

When you take note of the strengths within the darkness, you can now use this tool and change your life.  What it shows you and teaches you allows you to transform your life into something aligned with YOU.  You heal parts of yourself that have created limitations in your life. You see the world differently, career, relationships, etc. Without the lessons of this darkness, you would never know the greatness that’s covered up in front of your eyes. It’s like taking off the rose -colored glasses and seeing your life for the first time.  It’s such a gift to know that regardless of your circumstances, no matter how dark it feels right now, to believe and know that no matter what it is, it’s happening for your higher good.  It’s a gift being given to help shape and mold you into a version of yourself that has always been there, it has just been layered and covered over.

Finding clarity within yourself

 

Our lives are a compilation of action steps we take.  Every single situation we have encountered and the decisions we made have shaped our realities and brought us to exactly where we are right now. And right here, is exactly where we are supposed to be. The universe has a funny way of giving us exactly what we need at the time we need it. It just usually shows up in a different form than what we expect it to be.  Sometimes it’s masked as heartache or even a new job.  The loss of a loved one, or your dream home.  Look at how your life is right now.  Every single situation that you have gone through has aligned you closer to your purpose.   Everything that we create in life stems from the amount of self- love and worth we feel within ourselves.  It is the foundation for which we base our decision making off, even if we aren’t conscious of it.

Self-love is more than just taking care of yourself.  Or rewarding yourself for an accomplishment.  It runs so much deeper than that.  It’s the intimacy with yourself and it’s a beautiful opportunity to be able to know yourself on a level you never thought was possible. 

It’s a mixture of self- respect, boundaries, reflection, and affection.  What you experience on the inside is what you will experience on the outside.  That’s the beauty of this mirror universe we live in. If you feel your relationships are disrespectful, how do you view yourself? When you really get to know what makes you tick, you understand when it’s time to break, to pause, and be silent.  You look at what your body needs and what your soul needs.  You create boundaries with people to respect you , your time, and energy.  You can’t live a full life if you give all of yourself away to others and put yourself last. Our egos love to glaze over those deep dark feelings.  It feeds off reactivity, familiarity, and comfort zones. When we begin to peel back the layers of the unknown in ourselves and ask those intimate questions of why, the ego can’t coexist with who you are, which is pure consciousness.   

When you sit in silence you are sitting with the true essence of what you are.  Answer this: What makes you want to live the life you’re living and get out of bed every morning? What feelings are you experiencing?  If we can’t look within and ask ourselves these deep intimate questions about who we are and what we want and need, how will the universe be able to provide it?  That’s like ordering a pizza and telling them to send whatever they think you would like. There’s no direction or clarity, and then we feel disappointed when it doesn’t come.  When you are confused on the inside and distant from your true self, the universe will reflect that right back to you. Clarity creates purposeful forward movement. Get comfortable with who you are.  Get close to the love that you are and the parts of yourself that are healing. These are the biggest strengths we have! Be your own best friend first, then watch your world reflect that love back to you.

Divorce

There are moments in our lives that alter the pathway we had envisioned for ourselves.  When you think to the future and you begin to visualize the life you want to create, sometimes the path that gets you there looks different than you imagined. Sometimes this jolt is so powerful it shakes the core of your being. 

I had this vision for myself, a married woman with nothing but love to give.  I had goals and dreams.  As I envisioned myself in these dreams, I knew every single detail right down to the clothing I would be wearing.  As time passed, I began to slowly put myself last, and these goals ended up on the back burner.  And you know what happened? I lost it, all of it. 

I didn’t realize I lost myself until my husband left, and this beautiful “reality” I had created for myself came crashing down.  How I perceived love, trust and honor was completely destroyed.  And you know what I learned? I allowed it to happen to me.

Here’s the thing, I allowed the foundation for my happiness to be rooted in another person.  I allowed a reality to form in which I subconsciously designed MY life around someone else.  My self -worth, my self- love, and my self- appreciation I put in the hands of another human being.  I destroyed any boundaries I had set for myself and I allowed myself to base my worth off the love I thought I was receiving. Which was not very much.  And what happens when you search outside of yourself and give someone else power over your own life?  When it’s taken away your “identity” gets taken away with it.

 I lost myself and I didn’t even see it happening.  This is what I’ve learned so far through this process.  My self-worth and self-love were being directly reflected to me through my ex-husband.  Therefore, I received very little.  Every time I dishonored myself and my boundaries, I released more and more of my power. It’s like building a house on top of quicksand instead of cement, it won’t work.  You cannot expect love and self- respect to be given to you through someone else.  Expectations are at the core of suffering.  You must trust yourself and find within you the love that you are on the inside.  Searching outside of yourself for happiness and wholeness will only give you things we perceive as success outwardly.  Inside, you will still feel empty.  There is no amount of money, success, or outside affection that will give you what you crave.  You will always return to “This is still not enough.”

During our lives through experiences and relationships we slowly give a little piece of ourselves away.  We begin to lose the complete oneness within ourselves.  These experiences should be perceived as gifts.  They reflect to us what we can heal, transform, and revive.  My relationship with my ex-husband has been such a blessing.  I was able to shed another layer of my empty reality which then opened the opportunity to rediscover my true self.  I have the opportunity to heal the love, worth, and appreciation that makes up who I am.  We are comprised of complete and utter love.  How wonderful it is to return to it. 

Loving yourself

Self- love is the most powerful experience we can have in our lives.  Have you ever heard of the power of a mustard seed and how it can move mountains?  That mustard seed is the power that lies within us.  Once we recognize its face, we can fulfill any destiny we set out to satisfy.

To allow yourself to love wholly, allows you to return to our true essence of being. “Love is what we are born with and must return to, fear is learned.” Marianne Williamson. Once we remove the false belief system of fear, we see that underlying everything in our lives is love.  When you align with love, you are fully aligned with who you are. 

We get so distracted by outwardly things that we forget our lives and its’ meaning. We allow time and space to pass and we forget to notice what is holding us together.  To love oneself allows you to see your life in the light versus the darkness.  You notice the beauty that can reflect back to you if you choose to see it.  You create a world that is rich and vibrant with soul and fulfillment.

 What if you loved yourself so much that nothing else could affect you?  No amount of fear or resentment, self- loathing or self-hatred would exist.  You love yourself so deeply that you create this strong belief system where nothing outside of you can rattle it.

We are all unique beings with talents far beyond what we can imagine.  To disregard yourself and to not fully step into who you are is doing an injustice to the world.  You have something within you that no one else can match and or recreate. 

How can you offer your love if you don’t feel it inside of you first? The type of love you give yourself you can then reflect to others.  We are humans who crave deep love and intimacy.  How can you give that type of love without first knowing its existence? As within, so without.  Look within for the love you desire first and watch your life unfold exactly as it should.

Choosing Love Vs. Fear

Love Vs.Fear:

What happens when we are tested throughout our lives?  Are we living in a world where we have lost the compassion and love for each other?  Have our ego’s completely taken over the mass amounts of people and turned them into creatures on autopilot?  Have we as a humanity completely lost touch with our inner selves and the universe is just responding to how we feel on the inside?

Have you ever second guess who you are because of the reaction of someone else?  You allow your ego to take hold and you feel insignificant or unworthy.  You second guess what you’re doing, and you lose sight of what is right in front of you.  You dig deep to find yourself and your conscious thoughts to combat the ego and its little bag of tricks.  What if we met every challenge in our lives with love instead of fear?  Fear of inadequacy, rejection, or thoughts of failure?  If we fully believed that no matter what we could not fail.  That we are enough.  That this challenge that’s laid out in front of us is just the missing piece of the puzzle to get us to our next evolved state of being? Our reaction to the challenge is what will decipher where our next step leads.

How different would our world be? How different would your world be?  We are met with challenges every day to test us.  Are we listening?  Are we paying attention to the cycles of the ego that we just can’t seem to break?  The cycles that keep repeating that bring different relationships but similar situations on a larger scale? Different people but the challenges are similar because we can’t see what is right in front of us.  Why do we feel inadequate?  Why do we feel small and mediocre?  This is just labeling we put on ourselves that keeps attracting situations that prove your own point, of being mediocre.  “Yep I always knew I wasn’t good enough.” 

Let’s pause and take a moment to see what is in front of us.  Pause and allow yourself TIME and SPACE to figure out why you feel these feelings.  If we could fully understand the power that is within us that is limitless… how would you use it?  What risk would you take today if you understood and believed the power you have? Or that no matter what the outcome, it would never be failure?  Belief in oneself through the eyes of love will always out weight the fear based mentality. Use THAT power to co-create your life.

Letting go...

Letting go to make room for…

 There comes a time in our lives when we have earth shaking, ground breaking opportunities that come into our lives.  Growing pains so powerful that we can’t even see the fruition taking place in front of our eyes.   Sometimes we refer to them as, mistakes.  Or as my ego has been calling it, my failures. 

We naturally are attracted to seeing the things in our lives that are “going wrong.” Simply because we don’t have enough tangible things, our lives are not as meaningful as the person next to us.   In one fell swoop I have “lost” the familiarity in my life.  The life I had build for myself has now been taken away from me.  I have lost my identity of who I am as a human, as a woman.  How terrifying, right? 

Wrong. I was allowing myself to identify my self- worth by the physical things in my life. As I shifted from victim mode and sifted through the pain from loss, I realized I am evolving.  Remember, everything is energy.  And energy cannot be destroyed nor created, only TRANSFORMED.  No one has taken anything away from me.  My life is simply, transforming.  Talk about a Mind shift to wrap your brain around.   Remember the ego hates change. It hates anything unfamiliar or outside of our comfort zones.  So, of course my ego is wounded,it has no idea what is happening, it’s the unknown.  That fight or flight reactive system is lighting up.

The difficult part about getting through heartbreak is accepting the surrender of not knowing your next move.  But the beauty in this, is now you can consciously create and then step into the life that is waiting for you.  What was, is no longer serving you.  It’s like shedding a layer of yourself.  The universe has a funny way of providing you with exactly what you need.  And whatever awaits the next phase of your life is always serving you in a way that will get you closer to your higher self.  The only reason it is wearing the mask of pain is because the ego is making you believe you are in the process of losing.  Our importance is not measured by the wealth we have.  Regardless of what stage we are in, we are significant beings. We are here to help each other evolve.  When you view others as such, you open a whole new world of beauty and understanding.  You appreciate them for exactly who they are and you do the same for yourself.

Seeing through the fog:

Even in the darkest moments in our lives, there is abundance.  The ego makes it difficult to see this but it’s there. The goodness, the in between beauty of life. The ego focuses on all that we are losing, playing victim and saying, “why me.”  It makes it so easy to justify what is leaving our lives and the emptiness we feel. I caught my ego yesterday pulling from its dirty bag of tricks and me believing it.  What’s that saying, “when it rains, it pours.”  Yep, I had myself a pity party and I partied all night long. 

Our subconscious thoughts create this fog over our everyday lives.  We begin to only see what it wants to see, what it knows, our past experiences that “didn’t work out.”  Even in our darkest moments, there is light.  (THAT is the light.)  Our egoistic mind perceives it as darkness because those are the thoughts we have given power to, not even realizing it, our entire lives.  This is when we need to begin to choose different thoughts, to end our suffering, to bring more consciousness.  When someone leaves, we play the blame game, or we turn into the victim.  We lose sight of the abundance it provides.  When one door closes, another one does open.  When someone or something ends, it creates space.  Space for your dreams to manifest.  Space for you to consciously create the life you have always envisioned for yourself.  You can mold your reality to fit your consciousness. This is when you really go for it because, why the hell not?  You then begin to see the old habits, the limiting beliefs, your behavior patterns.  You bring more awareness to it and realize that no longer serves you.  You are not your subconscious thoughts. 

When we sit in the stillness, the in between, this is when we are tested.  This is when opportunity arises to use the tools we now have to help shape our lives.  We honor our boundaries and respect ourselves.  We use this chapter to write our next chapter.  Because without writing this step, how would we even begin to start with the next one?  We stop feeling through the fog with one eye open, stumbling.  We turn the light on, we have more awareness. We take the power back and realize the fog isn’t tangible.  It is simply something we have created not knowing the limits we put on ourselves. We keep walking, get through it, and realize it never needed to be there in the first place. 

Free- will:

You know when you reflect on your life and you look at the big picture and you begin to feel overwhelmed?  Those subconscious thoughts kick in and you start to believe in them.  You think to yourself, “I can’t make this happen” or “I’m unworthy of this.”  You’re already limiting yourself and creating a bigger picture that overshadows your desires.  You feed the ego’s illusion of the outcome of the situation being worst case scenario.  We all do this. This is the subconscious driving the bus. Already out of the gate we take our big dreams, and we make them smaller to fit into our belief system of who we think we are.  This is the ego hard at work and it keeps you thinking you’re insignificant, or small.

We all have major life changing moments happening everyday in our lives.  As I was watching the sunrise today, I sat in the stillness. I reflected on the shifts happening all around me and realized that they simply didn’t matter.  What matters is watching the beauty that the universe provides for us every single day.  This is the present moment.  This is surrendering. 

Even with the changes we have going on, thinking of the outcomes or how they are going to unfold is living in the future.  When we live in the future, we miss out on what is right in front of us. The good stuff, the small moments that help build the bigger picture.  So instead of feeling overwhelmed with the “how” of something, allow the time to pass.  Remember, we are the ones that create our own suffering.  Worrying about the outcome of the situation isn’t going to change the outcome of the situation.  How will you spend that time? Being upset and suffering knowing it can’t change the result? Or allow the beauty of your life to fill you up with joy and love?  The same amount of time is still going to pass.

This is the important part in life, the in between, it’s full of “free-will.”  During this time, you make your choices, you pick A or B.  Neither is right or wrong, it simply brings you to the next step.  What we need to be mindful of is does this next step align with my higher self? Or is it serving the ego? Is it coinciding with your limiting beliefs that you have had on repeat your entire life? Or does it feel like a risk worth taking knowing you’re fully supported. In between cause and effect, free will steps in.  You can choose conscious thoughts or allow the subconscious to keep on driving the bus. 

The Ego and Time: Part 1

The Ego and time: Part 1

What happens when you are faced with a life altering decision? You have one of two choices.  See it through with the eyes of love, or through the eyes of fear.  Regardless of the situation, change is being thrust upon you.  Without bringing awareness to your reaction, you leave room for the ego to creep in. 

When the ego steps in, the reaction will come from a place of fear, rejection, victimization, anger, confusion, wanting to run, etc.  It wants you to believe you aren’t worthy of or not wanted.  Here’s the thing with our egos, it only lives in our past and in our future thoughts.  Our subconscious never shuts off. So in our mind’s eye all we see and replay are old thoughts.  That voice inside your head never stops talking and automatically will replay past experiences and situations.

 Remember when that one bully in the first grade told you that you weren’t smart enough? Your ego chose to believe it and anytime you are in a situation of learning, you now resort to that belief system.   Or when a romantic partner broke your heart and you turned to self -loathing VS. self -love. You chose to believe you will never be loved again.   How about when you made a financial decision that didn’t work out the way you thought? Now you’re worried you aren’t worthy of receiving and spending money responsibly.

All these circumstances are and were growth opportunities.  They do not define who you are or your worth.  They do not make you better than or less than someone sitting next you.  It’s just that subconscious thought, the ego, pulling from its old bag of tricks to trigger within you your “insecurities.”

Now, on the flip side, when we beat ourselves up because we don’t have everything figured out. As humans we naturally compare ourselves to others.  Ever notice immediately you think you aren’t good enough because you haven’t achieved what someone else has by a certain age? We tell ourselves,” Well they ran their 6-figure company by the age of 32 and I’m 40, so now I’m behind and not good enough.”  We beat ourselves up and think we are unworthy of success because we put ridiculous standards on our lives.  The ego lives and thrives in time.  If we live each day from the unconscious thoughts of our past or of our future, we will constantly live in a state of fear. 

To constantly bring consciousness back to our thoughts.  To realize, these thoughts are not mine.  And just because this happened in the past does not mean it is going to happen again.  To actively change the thoughts, that is how we begin to unravel the ego. 

What is fulfillment to you?

Fulfillment:

What is fulfillment?  By definition, “The achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted.”   So many of us search to find it.  But do we take enough time to understand what it means to us? We get so focused on our outer world, we forget to listen within. 

We crave all different things.  Success, healthy relationships and stability. Sometimes cars, a certain amount in our bank account, a big house.  When I get very focused on a goal, I get tunnel vision. I realized a few things as I kept chasing fulfillment.  I had a beautiful home, dream job, a nice car, but I was missing something.  I was missing the good stuff, the feelings.

I focused so much on my outer world and never paid attention to what my inner world was.  According to the law of correspondence, what your inner world is your outer world is a direct reflection.  So even though I had these things, there was an emptiness deep within me that I could not put my finger on.  Why? Because I didn’t focus on the feelings of what was inside of me.  I kept choosing not to look.  If I didn’t love myself, how could I find healthy loving relationships in others?  If I didn’t pat myself on the back and feel worthy of my career, how would I find success?  How would I find stability if I never stopped long enough to put both of my feet on the ground? 

Sometimes the answer is so simple, yet we are so blinded we lose focus. Hello ego!  An exercise I did the other evening was I wrote down what fulfillment looks like to me.  What I realized was my desires all coincide with inner work, feelings, knowledge, and sharing.  I laughed to myself, no wonder I felt so empty! Try to sit and listen, write about what you desire, and look at what your world looks like.  

The power within us: Self- love

Sometimes the healing journey can be a tough one.  We are influenced by the outside world the minute we wake up.  We see these perfect Instagram posts, the next “fad diet” and the “skinny” results.   We even think we see others as having more success than us.  The minute we wake up we are already judging ourselves for what others have and we don’t.

It’s so easy to forget self- love and to not look within at our strengths.  To forget the utter and astonishing power that resides within us.  We tone it down to hide or not stand out because we don’t want to be different for fear of rejection. We subconsciously embody the things we see in lack, things we think we don’t have, which keeps more of that in our lives.  What if we began every single day with highlighting our qualities, and not just ones we get outside validation from?  Digging deep and being proud as hell for being exactly who we are and everything that that includes. Showing compassion for ourselves and where we are currently in our lives. What if we shifted our focus and absorbed the abundance within ourselves without comparing to others?  Accept every single part of you. We don’t have all the answers, we don’t have to be healed completely to live a full life. You are not incomplete because someone violated your boundaries or hurt you emotionally. Stop judging yourself for past mistakes, or past hurt. We are human. We yell and react, we make errors and misjudgments, but that doesn’t make us any less than anyone else.   All our experiences have shed light on the incredible strength and power we have to rise back up.  Our strengths are our weaknesses and our weakness are our strengths, it’s all balance, we are all one.  Experiencing love is a gift we can have every single day.  Choose to see it within yourself first and you will naturally begin see it in others. 

 

Light VS. Darkness

Life has a way of testing us.  Situations arise, and we are forced to leave the comfort of our homes, relationships, and careers.  The comfort zone that you created can be pulled out from under you like a rug, and you are left upside down trying to put the pieces back together.  Within being turned upside down, I have gained a new perspective.

First, leaving our comfort zone never looks the way we imagine it to.  We crave growth and when it is provided to us we have two choices.  We can play victim and ask the universe, “Why is this happening to me.”  Or we can take a step back, be patient, and actually look at what is happening.  Sometimes things get so turned around the only thing you can do is lean on your support system and surrender.  Let go of trying to control the outcome, silence yourself and be patient.  Instead of focusing on the changes that are happening, focus on what strengths are being brought out in you.  Nothing in this world happens by chance.  Life is a series of synchronicity that unfolds before you, as a gift, to be able to create the life you have always dreamed of. 

Second, nothing ever seems as bad as it does in your head.  Yes, we have lost loved ones. We have all faced the darkness and emptiness that life has to offer. After my mother passed away, I sat in darkness for a long time without realizing that light was there the entire time.  I had a mother, a deeply loving mother who showed me unconditional love.  She taught me strength, leadership, and how to eat pasta like a champ.  She provided me with everything I could have ever needed, and more.  I had the opportunity to spend 21 full years of my life with a beautiful human who taught me about life.  How many people are blessed with that support?  And when she left us, I had this incredible father who picked us up and put all the pieces back together.  Just like he was finishing a puzzle, and not even realizing the positive impact he had on us.  So not only did I have a loving mother, I have a passionate father who had to step into a completely different role.  And he did so like a total badass.

  We have all been at the bottom, but the thing is, we can’t stay there.  The difference between success and failure is simply, choice.  Where there is darkness there is light.  Look for the light.  My heart swells when I think about the amount of love that surrounds me.  So now, when the rug was pulled out from underneath me, I choose to see the light.  I choose to see what gifts are being given to me, and not taken from me.  I choose to see the compassion within each and everyone of us.  Because when we choose to see that, our whole perspective changes.  If we change within ourselves, we have the ability to change the world. 

Seeing your goals:

When you find clarity and understand goals:

For the longest time I kept BELIEVING I had no clarity within my career, personal life, etc.  I couldn’t see what I wanted to accomplish, let alone how to even get there. It was like walking through a fog every single day.  I felt lost, confused, and helpless. (Hello ego!)  Sometimes the hardest part of achieving a goal is even seeing what you want to focus your energy on!

In order to make any progress you must take risks.  What I’ve learned is once you start taking risks and allowing yourself to step outside of your comfort zone, you learn quickly what you want and don’t want.    You get a better idea of what is lining up with your true self and values vs. what isn’t jiving with you.  That is getting you a step closer to more clarity. You gain more confidence and momentum. You start to see your pathway light up a bit more than before. When you are aligned, synchronicity happen. Life seems “easier,” then you can see the opportunities at your fingertips. 

Once I gain perspective on the goal I wanted to work towards, I realized how it can still be difficult to take that step forward! Even though you see the goal line, you still have the in between to sort through.  This is the fun part. This is where you earn your fulfillment, growth, and understanding.  Every time you act on a risk, a reward is on the other side.  Sometimes it may not feel like one right away, but believe me, what you learn during this time period will set you up for life.  Sometimes this part is even more rewarding than crossing the finish line.   But know, you still must put in the work.  You are still going to feel those growing pains. This means you’re on the right track.

You then realize once you set your mind to accomplishing something, you can do it.  The only thing holding you back, is you.  Be brave, honor yourself, and take the leap!!

Self-love

  

 Self- love:

Self- love is the epitome of unconditional love. It’s the lesson we experience the most every day, which means an abundance in growth, if we choose so. Think about our daily lives.  We are tested every single day, every minute of the day.  Between interacting with people at work, to social media, there is so much outward influence that bends and morphs how we view ourselves.  Cause and effect is the time between a situation that arises, and your reaction to it.  How you react will alter the path you’re on and how your life unfolds.  When you become conscious of your reactivity, you can change your reality.

How do you view yourself? When we make assumptions of who we are, we sink back into old thinking habits.  Think of where you pull that information from, your past. It’s just an old bag of thoughts that we hang onto that we use to identify ourselves. We use our past mistakes, traumas, and failures to unconsciously shape who we think we are.  We then seek outward validation to fill the void we think we are missing, not even realizing that what we seek is already within us.  Choose to see the abundance in your life every day versus what you think of that you are in lack of. When you are conscious of these thoughts and actions, you have the opportunity to transform them. You choose a new action or a new thought, you then have the power to be whoever you want to be.  Honor yourself, love yourself, respect yourself and be kind to yourself.  There is time to fulfill who you are and who you want to continue to evolve into. Every day is a fresh start.